29May2013: Peaks, Valleys, Joys and Sorrow - Dedicated to Bernie
29MAY2013 Peaks, Valleys, Joys and Sorrow
Dedicated to Bernie my Beloved Friend
Today was a day filled with mixed emotions. Funny how this journey has had a lot of peaks and valleys. The view is very different at each place. God has it planned that way because He wants to teach you different things all through the journey. For the first time since last October, I got my blood tests back and everything was within the "normal" limits... white cells, red cells, potassium etc. I am not sure Jamie will believe the fact that I am normal. Guess what? That means that I can go out in the real world now! I have been confined to home, because of my low white cell count. I think God had a purpose in even this... because staying home made me stay focused on the task at hand... cleaning out the house where we have lived for 30 years this July. The closing date of July 26th, for the sale of our house, will come sooner than you think. My news of my blood results came just in time, as Lindsay, Peter, Audri, Ethan & Owen arrive tomorrow from Kansas. Now everyone won't have to shower and change before I hug them. My heart should have know that satan would try to steal my joy of these two wonderful blessings.
Each day I try to ask God what He wants me to do and even being confined to home He allows you to serve Him. He burdened me to call the people that I had come to know and love on my journey with cancer... the people whose instant bond was\is cancer. Not sure if I can put into words the way or depth of love you truly have for each of these people that God hand picked to touch your life. This journal is dedicated to my precioius friend, Berny who I came to know when I was facing the toughest part of my journey during chemo... I had been placed in the St. John hospital oncology ward to have my chemo treatments because I had been so sick. Here in the oncology ward, the first time that I was strong enough Jamie wheeled me to the lounge where I met Berny for the first time. We shared many wonderful conversations and came to know each other’s hearts. It was at this time that I had been at my lowest point emotionally battling depression. Entering that lounge was my first socialization experiencing with others facing battles with cancer. Their words were medicine to my spirit and soul. The second time they put me in the hospital to have my last chemo treatment Berny was back in the hospital too. When he found out I was there and was too sick to come out in the lounge, he would come sit with me each night. He always arrived just before he knew Jamie was going to leave for the night. He would sit and talk with me until I was tired and could talk no more. Those of you who know me well, know that is quite a feat because I love to talk. Talking with Berny allowed me to not focus on how I was feeling and helped teach me (through his actions) how to take steps forward on this journey. Today I hadn't been able to get through to Berny's phone number the fist time couple of times, so I left it and began to call everyone else. Lastly I called Berny's number one more time. It told me this number had been changed and gave me the new phone number to call. When I called the number, I found out that he had passed away. There are no words to express how I felt... This journal is dedicated to Berny who showed so much love and kindness to me. Here is a picture of us my first time in the St. John hospital. Robert you met him one night when you came to visit me.
Don't forget to tell those you love them each time you have the opportunity. Never forget to get to know those God has placed around you on your journey wherever you are. You never know how you will be able to bless and help each other. I can promise you that no matter how short your time with them if you allow them into your heart... they will leave footprints on your heart that no one else could. Thank you Berny for those blessings of all our moments together and footprints on my heart. You see because Berny took the time, even though he was sick, my life was forever changed. This picture will forever remind me of the value of each day we have been given, no matter where we are. Never forget to listen to God's still small voice and reach out to others.
You see tonight when my heart was so sad. I received an email from the young woman who was one of my porters. She wheeled me to my radiation treatments, when I couldn't walk. God blessed me with her friendship. She emailed me with beautiful words of encouragement tonight, on this a day that had been so difficult for her, because of a significant loss. She chose to reach out to me though she was hurting. She listened to God's still small voice and touched me with her precious love and friendship on a day God knew I needed it most. My hope is that you can see how wonderful being in the family of God truly is. No matter how much your heart is hurting, you can always make a difference for someone else.
My love, (((HUGS))) and prayers,
