Dec. 10, 2012 Chemo Brain\Fog USPO or Fraggle Rock (Mary), Charlie is out?!?!
Love you beyond Worms Mary!
If you know you know.
Monday, Dec. 10th, 2012
Subjects: Chemo Brain\fog
USPO or Fraggle Rock (Mary); Charlie is Out?!?!
My intention is to bring a smile to all of your hearts, as you rush through the business of the Holiday Season. If you can't learn to laugh at yourself then you are missing out on a lot of joy that God brings. To the teachers, happy storm day and I hope this brings some joy to your day.
There is one subject that I have seemed to have forgotten to journal about… seriously I forgot to… chemo brain\fog. As I journal my way through the cancer, this is one subject area that should not be forgotten. Oh yes, chemo brain\fog really does exist and it is quite an experience in itself. Chemo brain\fog is a bad memory on steroids. What you need to know about me is that I was memory challenged before chemo. Amazing at what going through the change of life can put you through.
“Jamie have you seen the portable phone?” Suddenly I realized that one was clipped on my side.
We own three portable phones and I could lose them all before the chemo brain\fog. You really need to keep a good sense of humor about yourself in the moments that you realize some of the unusual things, you have done because of your chemo brain\fog. Don’t worry I forget about them quickly too.
My friend, Mary, came to pick me up by divine appointment a few days ago. Why do you say by divine appointment, you ask? Well, it is because God loves his other children and NOT just me and wanted to keep them all safe too! A couple of days ago, I spend the whole day wrapping a few small gifts to send to my daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren. Yes, it did take me all day to do it. It seems I am a lot slower at getting things accomplished these days, but I loved every minute of doing it and made the most of my slow-paced, yet seemingly fast-paced event in my brain. This obsessive compulsive personality wanted to mail out the packages as soon as they were wrapped. God held me gather things one day. Then He did his divine intervention, to spare others safety. You see I had it in my head that I had wrapped the gifts, so I must be strong enough to drive to the USPO in Lubec, Maine to mail them. Wrapping presents and driving a car are two completely different skills sets. Bright and early on Saturday morning, I called my friend Mary to see what time the post office in Lubec would open. I wanted to go early, when not many people would be around and come straight back home. You know the avoid the germ season that Christmas is. I had not been out in the public since I had had my third treatment 10 days prior. It had been a rough ten days but that is a story for another day. I hung up the phone feeling pretty proud and announced to God, “Well if you had wanted someone to drive me, you would have provided them for me God so you must think that I am strong enough to drive to the post office.” Literally with seconds my phone rang and it was Mary saying, I can be there in a half hour to pick you up and take you. How was that for a direct answer from God.
It’s like God took out a mega phone and said,
“Are you kidding me?? No way am I letting you behind the wheel of a vehicle right now! Don’t you know I love and value the safety of my other children too!”
You see sometimes God provides for our needs to protect the safety of those around us too.
It is quite a production for me to get ready to go somewhere, because I actually have to remember to remember to get dressed and do all my routine to get ready to go out first. It is a big event and requires more than my daily nightdress that I love to wear around the house. The good news is that it doesn’t take me long to do my hair when I’m bald. Which hat will it be Aunt Elaine, Sonja, Joanne & Nadine? Thank you for my hats! the things I need to bring with me.
Then there was a lot to remember to bring with me to go to the USPO in Lubec, Maine. After all, I was leaving New Brunswick, Canada and going through customs to reach Lubec, Maine.
1. U.S. Money to mail the packages
2. ID to show customs both American & Canadian. As they require a different ID for both, as I have U.S. and Canadian citizenship.
3. The packages (at least I had been smart and pre address each of box.) Boxes not sealed so customs can check them.
4. The hand written list of all the items in the box, whose numbers corresponded with the numbers written on each package inside the box.
5. Knowing the total value of goods & having receipts.
6. Then of course after you gather everything you need to remember where you have put it. My routine is to gather and put it all in one place or I am sunk.
7. Don’t forget the packing tape to seal the boxes up, once through customs. A permanent marker incase.
Anyway, you get the picture. It’s probably like when you go to the store to get a couple of items so you don’t write a list. You just keep repeating the names of the items until you get to the store. Well now a days, it is necessary for me to write down the couple of items, because if I tried to recite them to remember them by the time I got to the store my items would have changed six times, but I wouldn’t realized I had changed them. I would get home with my not needed items and not even realize I didn’t have what I went for until the next time I needed it. That is chemo brain for me. God bless whoever invented post-it-notes!
Anyway Mary arrives at my house to pick me up to go on my big journey to the U.S., to mail my packages. I am excited and ready to go. I haven’t been out of the house for 10 days! My toes haven’t been out through that door since my last chemo treatment on Nov. 28th. Let’s just say there are reasons you don’t go anywhere. The strong medications you are on, being one of them. Really Paulette, you thought you were going to drive?! God must have been roaring with laughter in Heaven at me. Mary & I have been friends since our children were little, so we go way back. It is a good thing. After she gets me in the car she gentle reaches for a pen and starts correcting how I have spelled fragile (Fraggle), which I have written on every side of both boxes I wanted to mail. The hilarious thing is that I had spelled fragile wrong on both boxes but different wrong ways on each box. Unlike the computer where there is spell check and I sometimes can hide my misspellings by means of this modern device; there is no such device for handwritten words in permanent marker on a box. We got a good laugh out of that. Hey, after all I am a literacy teacher. Hum, it may be awhile before I am able to work again. I think I will get our school psychologist to test me before I go back. Don’t worry I have been a colleague with him for years, so he will tell me like it is with his touch of compassion… right Doug. Patty D. please forward this email to Doug so he will know my first plan of action, before I return to work. He might appreciate advanced notice, so he can get me on his list.
You really learn to laugh at yourself with chemo brain so I shared my spelling misgivings with the postmaster, as I mailed the packages. She assured me that nothing would have happened to my packages except they might have send them to “Fraggle Rock” and we both laughed. Do you all remember that show? The joy of the Lord comes from many things and a lot has been from my memory, or therefore lack of memory these days. Mary & I had a great time. She drove me all around my Island of Campobello too. I love where I live. God has bestowed His great beauty all around this remote island… treasures that I seem to appreciate more than ever these days.
Regarding my poor confused cat, Charlie, I have had to resort to two index cards on the island in my kitchen. One says “Charlie is outside” and one that says “Charlie is in the sun-porch”. Poor Charlie could have frozen. It’s a good thing he has a thick coat of fur, as Maine Coons’ do. When I put him outside or in the sun-porch I set the index card on our kitchen island and turn on the light over the stove. Bill knows my cues and rescues poor Charlie a lot. He turns out the light and puts the card face down, so I will know he has rescued Charlie yet again. It is a good thing that I am not allowed to do the litter boxes & feed the cats while having my chemo. I’ll let you visualize my emaciated cats and what the litter boxes would look like if I were in charge at this point in time. Yes we do have another cat Maggie but she is elderly and stays in most of the time with her heating pad turned on low for her old bones.
Now there should be special awards for people who end up having to work with me, like the “Apple Care Support” people for my iPad. You can just imagine our conversations with me trying to get technical support with my normaly poor memory mixed with my chemo brain challenges. Let’s just say that I know that it takes them a lot longer to solve an issue with me when I call them, then your average person. I was a little frantic one day because I was trying to make my granddaughter a birthday card and could not find the photos on my iPad. Somehow they had magically disappeared. That poor woman from Apple Care Support spent two hours on the phone with me until the issue was resolved. Not once did she ever make me feel inadequate due to my poor memory challenges and believe me that is a feat. Just ask those who are around me. As for the Apple Care Support Technical Support person, I asked to speak to her supervisor when I was done and made sure she got special recognition for her job well done. I believe people deserve recognition and credit. As humans we are all too quick to judge. Shouldn’t we be quicker to praise. Of course I am sure that I make my Mom & Dad feel better about their memories. So you see, blessings can come from even from my poor chemo brain\fog. You know how they say, “this will be recorded for quality assurance”… when you call for technical support. Just imagine if they recorded that conversation I had with Apple Care. They definitely could use it for a training exercise and American’s Funniest Home recordings... oh wait that’s videos isn’t it.
Well I hope I have allowed you to acquire great insight into chemo brain\fog. Now I hope you will show great compassion for anyone you know who may be experiencing memory issues. My one tip is, don’t remind them over & over that they are not remembering things correctly. Instead, help them with gentleness mixed with compassion, by showing them the mercy & grace of the unconditional Christ-like love. Really there is nothing you can do except go with the flow everyday and continue to have the “joy of the Lord”.
My love, ((((HUGS))))) and prayers,
Paulette
