7th Oct, - 24th Oct. 2025 Roller Coaster of Faith, Running & Walking and Everything in Between

 

7th OCT 2025 - 24th OCT. 2025  

Roller Coaster of Faith, Running & Walking and Everything in Between.

Of Course - GO BLUE JAYS!  My Canadian Roots are showing.  I’m on enough steroids right now that I possibly could eat us out of house and home too!  The only thing that saves me, is that I can’t get my own food right now.  It could be a tightrope walk for Jamie!   It’s the first time I’ve had an appetite in months too!  ADD, steroids and food – oh what a trailmix!!!  Enjoy your snacks if you’re watching the game.  “Pop, Pop, Fizz, Fizz… Oh what a relief it is.”  Anyone remember that jingle?   Alka-Seltzer was introduced in 1931 by Miles Laboratories and then purchased by Bayer in 1979.    This educational Interlude was brought to you by my steroids and ADD..  🤓

Decided I’d best get an update written while I am on the steroids that allow me to sit up to type for the next week.  It’s been awhile since I was able to set at the table to type  or use my right hand to type.  Make hay while the sunshines and God blesses you to do so.  What a beautiful day it was today.  😉  BTW Cousin Richard Stevens, this is me on drugs!  

What an adventure life has been since being in the hospital for over a week in Sept. There is nothing like being very sick to snap your perspective into a deeper level of what you are truly thankful for everyday!  Every breath & every step we take is such a gift from God.  ✨💛🙌💛✨  Yes even when we are sick.

After I got home, and was trying to conquer my secondary infection from the pneumonia…  you could hear me when I was the sickest reverting back to childhood.  I’d get up for a bathroom run in the wee hours, with Jamie’s help.  Or should I say a bathroom flood-run.  The nerve pain would hit and that would trigger the flood with my bladder at the same time.  My body chooses to deal with pain before pee.  I’ve been  learning about a new continent a lot lately yet again.  My new continent is “incontinence”.  Did you know that comes in degrees too?  You learn to embrace 25 x’s its weight “Depends”.  I still need to write that company a thank you note!  

The minute I stood up my version of a mad-dash to the bathroom with my walker was on.   You would hear my hoarse, coughing voice singing, “Jesus loves me this I know” or whatever childhood song came to mind.  

Jamie did chuckle during one of my renditions, when I said, “now everybody join in.”  Of course it’s just the two of us here in the wee hours!!

I needed to keep my brain focused on God and not the pain, so the hoarse singing is the praise I could offer.  Make a joyful noise before the Lord.  He accepts our praise when done with a sincere heart… though I am sure my neighbor’s are glad they couldn’t hear me.      

I used to help with the music for the Sunday School opening on Campobello.  You can just imagine, the more moves, wiggles, squiggles I got from the kids, the more we did.    

Do you remember any of these old ones?  “Deep and Wide”, Zacchaeus Was a Wee Little Man”, “Beautiful Feet’ by Sandy Patty.  I loved telling the kids they had beautiful feet that brings the good news of the Lord.  

  

What was really a rich blessing from God, is Mitch Annie-Laurie MacMillan living for the Lord.  God blessed us with special church Friend’s, Mitch & Annie-Laurie, who took us under their wings.  Can you imagine for one second taking me under your wing!?!?  They introduced us to a deeper hunger & joy of the Lord, contemporary Christian Music, devotions etc.   Oh what a special youth group Mitch had with so many kids coming in.  I am sure Brandi, Jennifer, Charity, Murray etc. all remember. He did this all while being the full-time Mountie on Campobello.  Annie-Laurie had a gift for playing the piano too.  It was during this season that I birthed a desire to have the courage to sing in church.  My two favorite songs that God gave me were “Master of the Wind” by Joel Hemphill & “How Beautiful.”  by Twila Paris.  Music has always spoken deeply to my spirit within.  Amy Grant…  and this Holy Spirit wild child… well I am a total Lauren Daigle girl now too.  I love  to listen to “positive, encouraging K-love” Radio, that my daughter Lindsay Sander introduced me to in 2012\2013 when I went through breast cancer the first time.  It was a saving grace then & now. Jesus in and Jesus out.  If you haven’t listened before, I highly recocomend it.  

During hard seasons, you need to take every thought captive.  I just try to keep my mind focused on God.   During this recent 3 month season of constant health changes & challenges, I have seen the unconditional love of Christ lived out in my home by my husband, my Extra Mural team (nurse, OT, PT, RT) and the beautiful care-givers who God handpicked for me, who come into our home & assist me with everyday life.  Another lesson was learning, on a much deeper level,  what being humble & meek really means.  I am so grateful to have someone assist me, so I can have a shower.  Learning humility, mixed with gentleness, with a truly submissive & grateful spirit is a journey unto itself, when your natural human nature is to fulfill the opposite role. No time to feel sorry for one’s self on this journey or you can miss the beauty of Christ’s blessings all around you.   Learning that God supplies all our needs, before we know that we even have them… this all mixed with a depth of Christ-like love you didn’t know existed.  God’s Love Potion of a new kind. God’s beauty is so intense when we are aware & open our eyes.  Get your sunglasses ready.  😎

Let’s really stop to think about this. From my mind‘s eye, it would take you back to the days when we used to fill up our car at the Esso Gas Station.  And the jingle would say, we were gonna put a tiger in our tank when we filled-up, as a tiger was the mascot to the Esso Extra Station.  In life I’d say I’m about like trying to tame the tiger, “before” you try and put it in the tank. 

The Esso jingle was, “Put a tiger in your tank“.   Then the commercial would describe how you could feel a tiger in your tank as you drove your car down the road.  But it only came with ESSO Extra Gas!  Do you remember the free gifts they used to give away when you filled up your tank… like a tiger tail you could put on your antenna?  I know that I’m date-stamping myself.  

It would certainly take a ringmaster to tame me. Guess that’s why God is taking over the job in this season of my life. Please pray for Jamie.  😉  We all want to think we are in control of something, but it is God who is ALWAYS in control.  Fully letting go & letting God have control comes in very deep layers, that you didn’t realize were there. Things you don’t know you were hanging onto  become revealed by God when He knows you are ready.  It’s God’s job to take things from our head to our hearts when we are ready to receive. 

Warning, the Bible says, “Pride cometh before the fall.”   It’s so deeply true.     I have learned that all I have to do is to fall into the divine arms of Jesus.  He will do the rest, even if I don’t understand at the time.

Once, when I was trying to explain to Jamie that he doesn’t always hear what I am saying.  You know like he isn’t really listening to me. 🙄

He replied “What?”   And I repeated my sentence 🤦‍♀️.  Then he started chuckling 😂. 

I had a particular medication that was very hard to swallow.  An antibiotic that was non-coated and was about like trying to swallow the Hindenburg. Jamie says it was shaped that way too.  In all honesty, I have never had trouble swallowing pills, but for some reason this particular antibiotic loved to kick back!  Let’s just say that burping its after effects for hours was not pleasant!  Sends shivers thinking about it.  Ten days later I’ve lived to tell the tale with an 8 year old’s flare.

  

Another day Jamie & I had been talking for a while.  Me the extrovert & Jamie the introvert.  

Jamie said, “I thought you were all talked out.“

My reply was, “Have you ever talked me out before?“ 🤷🏼‍♀️

Then Jamie replied, “I thought you were going back to sleep.“

So he sat back down with his coffee and I said, “ You just rest.  I’ll talk.”   😂 Steroids can add a whole new dimension to ADD.  

On Friday, Oct. 17th, I received a phone call from the SJRH Palliative Care appointment secretary.  A sweet, kind, patient soul.  This call was a result of me making the switch from active treatments with my oncologist to full palliative care.  An appointment was set up for me this past Monday Oct. 20th to meet Dr. Mackin for the first time.  That does not give “Miss Prep-aridness much time to ready her questions but I had to let go & again trust God with it all.      

 

More than anything I wish you could meet my sweet Extra Mural Nurse Sam and my new palliative care doctor, Dr. Mackin.  I am so blessed to have them!  God is so amazingly good, beyond what we deserve or can even imagine!

They are everything my heart hoped they’d be & more.  Dr. Mackin had reviewed my file before he came, so he’d know all I had been through!   That stripped away layers of stress for me.  God had gone before me yet again.  He was a kind, gentle and thorough man. He listened and responded with honest, heartfelt compassion. The words that ran true from my heart were when he said, “I am always honest with my patients”.  Honesty and compassion are what God knew my heart needed on this part of the journey.   He spent at least an hour and a half with us on Monday.  Going over everything in great detail.  I felt validated and a true part of my own medical team of care. It is important to be allowed to have a voice on this journey. It is after all your journey home to be with with God.  If you have a fear or concern you need to disarm it by saying it aloud and so I shared with him that my one fear was a bowel obstruction or blockage as I have had trouble with bowels all my life.  I shared all about, “The Bottoms Up Cafe” that I had learned about in Mexico (32 ounce coffee enema, twice a week that I do faithfully).  My other nickname for it is “BUC”… no coincidence that my guardian angels name is BUCK too.  This dude certainly earns hazard pay.  Oh did I get distracted again, sorry.  Reality is that I know that I am physically not going to be able to keep doing, “Bottom’s Up Cafe” much longer due to my mobility & range of motion issues. This causes underlying stress for me, as I feel it has been an important part that I have been doing to keep my bowels moving & detoxing my liver.  It’s a coffee made here in Canada, specifically for this.  It is NOT coffee for drinking!  Pull up a bucket & hose ya’all.  I get the plush cot treatment by Jamie.  He makes the special coffee too.  Actually, due to all my mobility & pain issues, he does all the set up work now & I receive the gift.  Your perspective of what a gift is & what unconditional love truly is, changes.  We both pray for “No Code Brown” with clean on isle 5.  🤣  Those that know and have read past posts will understand this humor.   Seriously who would do this 2x’s weekly if it didn’t help!  🤪  

Part of a true palliative care journey is being free to fully let things go, so others can step in & take care of you in the ways that are needed.  It does put things out of sync for a while, because you are use to your own routines & privacy etc.  Truly relinquishing control gives you freedom to rest in him.  

Once I asked a Christian Counselor if he could please give me a peace of advice, that I could hang onto during a difficult journey that I was on at that time.  He knew how much I loved God and his advice was solid!!  He said, “ Paulette, I know that this will sound unusual to you but, you need to trust yourself enough to FULLY trust God.”  Here I am all these years later and his advice still rings true in my mind.  A very wise, sound, piece of advice that has certainly served me well. This is when God stepped me into another season with my precious counselor Michele.   Again, God’s ways are not our ways; His plans are not our plans and accepting His timeline and ways are where true freedom comes.  No matter where you are, He can use you.  No deed is too small.

When I first came home from my stay in the hospital, I felt very disconnected & a bit overwhelmed.  A lot of people were coming & going & putting things in place for me, so I would be able to stay home for this part of the journey.  A hospital bed for me was delivered on the second day that I was home!  Jamie & our care worker cleaned out a room in a day for this to happen for me.   Those who know me as the collector of crafts items etc. realize what a HUGE task this was.  When I came home, there was no  normal routine like Jamie & I had had when we were by ourselves.  We had enjoyed quiet time to do our devotions as a couple & alone.  All that essential time for good self-care had disappeared.  I recognized this after about a week at home, that this was what was missing…  our time with God first thing in the morning.  Before my feet hit the floor in the morning, I needed to be praying too.  We learned the ins & outs of the blessings God had brought into our home, but we still needed to make sure that God came first.  Our beautiful care worker Tristin explained we could choose our hours according to our needs.  So we switched our times to a little later and achieved the necessary time we needed with God & together.  For me this was especially essential, as I can’t get to church in person.  Oh my soul, how I miss seeing my church family!  My ability for company was very limited too as I lay down in the morning for rest & pain relief.  Again in the afternoon I needed to nap to continue my recovery.  For about two weeks that nap was about 2 hours long.  Company would be a rare occasion.  My brain could not handle much confusion, as it seemed to hold its own mysteries as I recovered.  I relinquished the responsibilities of my medications to Jamie.  So glad I did!  

Sam has a heart of gold and goes above & beyond.  I feel like God allowed me to win the lottery of beautiful people to take care of me & Jamie on this part of our journey. I am especially happy & have peace too for when times get more difficult,  that these are the people Jamie will have to help him.  

I do want you all to know that I love you all more than words can say and  I am grateful for you. ✨💛🙌💛✨ My hearts prayer is that God continues to bless you in just the ways you need my beautiful, treasured Friends.  Thank you for every prayer you have each said and they truly are what has helped carry both Jamie & I on this extraordinary journey.  You each inspire me in your individual ways, encourage me with your love & support.  I pray that God allows you to hear my heart and feel our love for each of you.  Thank you for helping bring me to a new level of gratitude yet again.  I am humbled by your continued love & support.