Our Tears – Streams or Waterfalls - 12/4/2024
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Our Tears – Streams or Waterfalls
“My Christmas Miracle”. Do you have any Christmas baking done? Can you sneak one or two of those cookies & a favorite hot drink. Please, pick up a snuggly blanket & curl up for a while, so I can tell you the story of “My Christmas Miracle”. Though we know that Jesus’ birth is the true miracle of Christmas.
Sometimes God gives us a miracle\HUGE blessing when we least expect it.Faith and the power of prayer is a combination like no other. Pastor Angela Wade mentioned in one of her sermons about being “aware, attuned & attentive to God”. They are indeed powerful skills we can develop, as we learn to “walk by faith” in our everyday life. Remember that each of our walks with God are individual, but we are ONE family of God. Have you ever thought about the size of our God family and its unique qualities? Two words I would use to describe them are magnanimous & ubiquitous. Miss Mulholland (my high school English teacher) is smiling down from Heaven today, as she taught me those words in high school and I still use them! OK you old LHS students, remember memorizing our 50-75 new words for English homework?
If you look, you can truly see & feel God’s presence everywhere. He will place people in your path, before you even realize you needed them. Also He will use you to touch others for Him. The smallest divine request is HUGE from the Kingdom’s perspective. Have you ever seen dominos used in a chain-reaction sequence? It’s fun to watch as each individual domino has its purpose within the chain-sequence. One deed, no matter how small, is like one of those dominos. It helps to achieve God’s intended result. The coolest thing is that it can be life-changing for someone. No, you may never know how it has touched someone’s life BUT God does. Sometimes the Lord blesses you & gives you a glimpse of how it has touched someone. It is a humbling yet profound experience when this occurs.
When you are on a journey with cancer like me, you learn to appreciate & use the special moments God blesses you with. On Nov. 19th, I got up at 4:30am as we were going to the hospital for my CT & Bone Scans. This Jesus chick was determined to take advantage of the high doses of prednisone in my body, that my oncologist had prescribed for me, so I wouldn’t react to the CT Scan dye. By being attuned to God’s still small voice, I knew He wanted me to do specific things at the hospital the night before I went & the day of my scans. Without question I did them and He gave me one of those rare glimpses as to why, in one circumstance. Those are profound moments when they happen… it helps you comprehend that you are truly part of God’s army. By the way, the day of my scans I had a major blessing… I could walk all the way to all of my appointments handsfree, no gadgets! Jamie did lighten my load by being my chauffer & carrying what was needed for me. It was a great feeling “to walk” all those halls. Cry Freedom! I loved surprising my CT Scan & Bone Scan staff. They are an awesome crew.
Tim, in the CT Scan Department, & I share a birthday. 
Jamie & I enjoy taking a lunch with us, when we go on these trips to the hospital etc. When I am on high doses of prednisone, food is appreciated in an extra, special way.
Honestly, after enjoying the freedom of walking those halls for the scans I was tired. Jamie offered to take me to a store, but I knew we both needed a nap. We pulled over in the movie theatre parking lot and ate our lunch & then both fell fast asleep afterwards. NO shame, even though I am sure that I probably drooled while I napped. I am sure we were entertainment for a few people as they walked past. My heart really wanted to see, “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” movie, which had just been released. A nap was necessary, if we were going to achieve that. So nap we did! It was an afternoon matinee on a Tuesday, so it was not too busy. Oh my soul, we both HIGHLY recommend this movie. We laughed, cried & went deep into our emotions with God. So many truths were revealed about human nature & how we should truly serve our Lord & King. We need to remember that everyone we meet bares the image of God. Maybe it is under a layer you don’t see at first or sadly just don’t even want to take the time to. In Matthew 25:40 Jesus says: “…‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ (NIV) It is that concept that shows we truly are the “family of God”. We need to function like a family. You need to ask what is my part to help?In Corinthians 12: 12-27 it states: “There is one body, but it has many parts. But all its many parts make up one body.”… “…God has placed each part in the body just as He wanted it to be.” When you hear His still small voice, don’t fight what He is asking you to do. Remember the domino chain-reactions? Be that individual domino and do your part! We don’t need to know why we’re being asked to be the Hands & Feet of Christ… we do need to remember it is a privilege to be asked by God to serve for His Kingdoms purpose. We will never fully understand until we get to the other side as only God can see the beginning to the end.
Last January 2024 I was given months to live and they couldn’t tell me how many. Here we now are into the month of December 2024 and surprise, I’m still here and out of my wheelchair for the second time!
You would think when you are given the news “you have months to live”, that it would be hard to NOT hyper-focus on this type of news. If you walk by faith it can be a different experience. From the beginning of learning I had metastatic breast cancer I have said, “I KNOW God chooses my day & NOT this disease”. As I said to Jamie this morning, “We do our best to follow His will and trust God for the rest.” Doing our best means giving God the glory along the way, even in “the hard places”. You see He is with us on the mountain tops and as we walk through the valleys. Each journey gives you an opportunity to see life from a new perspective and helps you be aware how precious each moment is. What a rich blessing to be given the opportunity to know God in a deeper way. I must honestly say, that it’s in the valleys where God has helped my faith blossom in ways I never knew were possible. You’ve heard me say before that it is like dancing in the deepest of deep with God. Is it easy? NO! Are there tears at times? YES! Does sadness occur? YES! BUT can there be JOY? YES! Is there humor in unusual places? YES! Can you still serve God there? ABSOLUTELY! Do you need to know why? NO! The fact that God understands is enough. There is something so profound and special held within my quiet moments with God… It occurs if we will truly just stop and take time to feel His presence. He is ALWAYS with us. I can hear the things of the world working around me like the clock ticking, but most importantly, if I am still, I can feel His divine presence wrapping around me in some of those quiet moments. Somehow I just know I am safe in His hands… no matter what the world or my emotions tell me! That is where true divine peace comes from. Again, Pastor Angela spoke on how important it was to be aware, attentive & attuned to my Lord & King. This looks different for all of us because God created us each with unique gifts through which He can both speak to & use us. Let’s go to the carnival for a few minutes. Have you ever seen one of their side shows? Have you ever wondered how those sword swallowers do it? I actually think that I need to consult with one… to be continued.
Do you ever mispronounce words when you are really tired or not fully awake? Or even when your brain just seems to be misfiring. “Ridiculing”: Is it Ree-dick - u- ling or RID-uh-kyoo-ing? Well the above made me laugh out loud when realized that I pronounced it Ree-DICK-u(long u) -Ling. When Jamie pointed this out to me, during our devotional time together, I laughed so hard the tears streamed down my face. It struck me just how unawake my brain really was.
You know what being spaced-out feels like don’t you? It is good to be able to laugh at yourself in those moments. Through the years, it’s one sport that I have had lots of practice at, so now it’s just perfectly natural. It’s simply called, “the joy of the Lord”.Does God really collect all our tears?
It says inPsalm 56:8, “ You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” This Jesus girl likes to think that He is collecting all of my tears, including when we are rejoicing. Love those golden moments, when you are having a good old fashioned belly laugh… one that you are unable to control so the tears are streaming down your face, as you are literally shaking from head to toe with laughter. Don’t forget that it can occur at some of the most inappropriate times too. Did you ever notice that somehow this makes it funnier, because we know we shouldn’t be laughing. Oh come on, I know you know what I’m talking about. Just in case you’ve forgotten let me share this story with you… One day I was in a doctor’s office & the atmosphere in the waiting room was very sullen. You know when you step into the “be silent & you shouldn’t even be smiling” zone\atmosphere. And heaven forbid you should laugh. Have you ever had times when things struck you funny in those moments and you start laughing uncontrollably or you were so over tired & things just cracked you up more than usual. One year for Christmas, my dear husband, Jamie, had bought me a book called, “She Who Laughs Lasts” by Jennie Klassel. On the cover it said, “Laugh-out-loud stories From Todays Best-Known Woman of Faith”. Apparently, I did NOT read that last part of the title. In an attempt to occupy my ADD brain, I brought this book into my appointment waiting room. Everyone was silent, as a response to the very sullen waiting room atmosphere… well almost silent. The more I read, the more I was laughing “inside”, until I started shaking and tears started streaming down my face. The more I read, the more I shook inside with laughter & the more the tears streamed down my face, as I tried to contain myself. I was past the point of self-control.
Jamie leaned over & whispered in my ear, “I think I’ll go to the car & wait for you.” He probably wanted to escape & I don’t blame him. If I’d gotten him started too, it would have been game over. They would have probably kicked us both out of the waiting room.
I know the people in that office that day probably thought I was having a seizure of some kind and that my sweet husband left to go to our vehicle to get medication for me… BUT he never returned!! Voilà, he did his vanishing act. Finally I went up to the receptionist & told her that I was fine, as my face was beet red too. I told her that I was reading a book that my husband had bought me. I showed her the title and told her to copy the cover. After sharing aloud the summary of one of the short stories with her, well let’s just say that I am sure she bought the book later. Through the years, I have bought that book for many woman. I did however warn them by writing on the inside cover to be careful when & where they chose to read it… then shared my story. My hope is that it brought each of them great joy in a time when they really needed it too.
Just in case you were wondering, Jamie was still waiting in the car for me and did bring me home from my appointment. We still chuckle about this today. The difference between then & today is that I probably would intentionally try to draw him in to my body shaking, tear streaming, laughter. Humor has been another divine love language God has given us to communicate with.
You may have also guessed that actually, poor Jamie never really knows what to expect from me. For example, on the way home from one of my many appointments, Jamie said he would like some peace & quiet. I boldly leaned over & told him, “Then you should’ve brought somebody else with you”.
He laughed aloud. He has adapted to never knowing what I am going to say and has learned to run with my crazy flow. He understands my humor better than most. Just think God understands ALL my humor, as He created me! That is my profound ADD thoughts for a few minutes. Sorry that was just another ADD rabbit trail. Be honest, are you getting used to those trails by now? On Nov. 15th, I did my attempt at sword swallowing and decided it is “a hard pass” on this profession! Absolutely 100% NO, to even attempting to becoming one! Though, I do need to consult with one before I have another upper endoscopy.
You see the anaesthetic, did NOT work for me, so I was awake for too much of the procedure. 
I was definitely not a natural at swallowing whatever they guided down my throat to stretch my Schatzki ring. 
It’s a good thing that they have your mouth strapped & held open by a device, as I might have bitten one of them on purpose at one point. 
My bonus was that she did biopsies too. Haven’t heard these results yet. Afterwards, they told me that having the anthesthic “NOT work” can happen to some people, because of the medications they are taking. Well you would think I would have learned that lesson the first time, when I woke up during my colonoscopy 4 years ago. Yup, got to watch it on the screen & hang onto the bed rail as they turned those sharp corners. Hey, I do have a bone to pick with the medical establishment… if the anathesitc didn’t put me to sleep for the procedure then why wasn’t I allowed to drive? To reward me, Jamie did take me to Staples to get photopaper and I did pick out a couple of pens. Pens to me, are a collector’s item because the teacher in me still LOVES pens. I have passed my addiction to them onto my granddaughter. Guess what, she’s becoming a teacher too. Oh don’t forget the Post-it notes! Guess I did pass those genes down to someone. Can you imagine having me for a teacher? I LOVED teaching my special education students. A great job for someone with ADD, as I could have many things happening at once in my room & enjoyed it all. The hardest part at times was trying to keep a straight face, when the students said something that struck me really funny. Oh the sense of humor was alive & well in me then too. Back to
My Christmas Miracle that I was speaking of. Here are the results of my Nov. 19th CT & Bone Scans: CT Scan: Stable Metastatic Disease
Bone Scan: Mild REDUCTION in intensity of uptakes in the metastatic lesions in the thoracic and upper lumbar spine. Other disease sites appear stable. Praising my LORD & KING and thank you for your prayers!!!
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Not sure why I am always in awe of what God does and can do, but I truly am! We serve the God of miracles. Praising my Lord & King for His divine mercy & grace, as He keeps walking my journey of metastatic breast cancer out with me. Happy tears of gratitude for My Christmas Miracle. If you think the power of prayer does not work, just stop and think about what a difference your prayers have made for me as I have shared my journey with you. I have truly had the Holy Spirit’s peace in this unpredictable storm. Having a church family that walks with me & prays for me is a true blessing from God. Having a family that I know loves me & supports me is a very rich blessing. People praying for me that I’ve never met in Kansas etc.! God knew in May 2023, when I started this journey what I would need & He has provided through each of you because you listened to His still small voice. Never stop listening…. Make the phone call, send the text message and continue to pray. You are making a difference that you may not be able to see, but others will feel through the power of His Holy Spirits Presence. May God continue to provide for each of your needs through this Christmas Season & throughout the New Year.
ps My heart loves to think that there will be a magnificent waterfall in Heaven from all the tears that God has collected from both our sorrow & joys. Thank you Sarah Jane. Yes I had tears of joy in my eyes in this picture.
