Feb 22, 2013 The Bend in the Road

 

My Room in the Hostel at the Regional Hospital

  Feb 22, 2013 The Bend in the Road

This journey certainly has presented its unique challenges.  Oh how my heart sank when I spiked a fever the night before I was suppose to go home, after a week in the hospital, after my last chemo treatment.  Finally, I got my brain around the fact that I needed to be grateful that I was still at the hospital.  How disappointing it would have been to have gotten home and had to go right back to the hospital.  The thought that plays over and over in my head is my new favorite number ZERO.  I keep telling myself, as I fight my way back from my last frenamee\chemo treatment this time, that I don't have to do it again!  The slow and steady gains that I make, no matter how insignificant it may seem to someone else, are great steps forward for me and encouraging.  One step at a time, I keep trying to acclimate to my "new normal".  On the journey with cancer the "new normal" seems to be something that changes a lot and at times when you least expect it.  What one must do is to go with the changes, because you can't fight the changes... you would use all your energy fighting what it is just going to be, instead of adapting and accepting it.  It is human nature to not like continual change that you have no control over.  That is where faith comes in.  I am slowly fighting my way back from the last fenamee treatment.  Somehow I thought it would easier & happen faster... why I thought that I will never know as it really doesn't make sense, if you stop and think about it.  Since Oct. my body has been getting assaulted by the chemo drugs which have accumulated in my system.  Because it was the last treatment, didn't mean that it wasn't putting an strong drugs in my already over stressed system to attack to beat the cancer inside me.  My frenamee\chemo treatments waged war on the cancer to get rid of any of the microscopic cancer cells that might be present in my body.  Now it is time for my body to recover and my peace of mind is knowing that I don't have to go back for another frenamee\chemo treatments.  For everyone's love, support and prayers I thank you.  There were surprise visitors at the hospital, unexpected cards & packages upon arriving home and many supportive emails and most importantly lots of prayers.  All of these things make a difference in their own way in and with God's perfect timing.

Next on my journey will be my 30 radiation treatments.  This Monday I go to St. John to get marked for where they will give me the radiation treatments.  On March 4 - April 12th (if all goes as planned) I will receive radiation treatments 5 days a week M-F and stay in the hostel in the hospital.  As each phase of my journey has presented its own unique challenges, I am preparing myself emotionally for what may lay ahead.  Each time a challenge arose, they kept telling me that I was the exception to the rule.  During radiation will be another time to find the "new normal" for me and to adapt to.  My Aunt Elaine came and read all the radiation material that I have and went over it with me to be sure that I am gathering, what I need to take with me.  Definitely with my chemo brain, I needed another set of eyes to read everything.  My Mom and Dad have gone out on a search for all the little things for me.  At least this way, I will feel as prepared as I can be when I go.  Anyone who knows a teacher, knows they like to be prepared as they can be.   Emotionally I have found it is better to mentally prepare for the challenges that might arise... if they don't arise than that is a bonus.  Kevin & Elaine are my back up plan for rides up on Mondays and to be picked up on Fridays when Jamie is at work.  It is always nice to have a back up plan.  Mom & Dad are the shoppers who find all the special things I need.  I am still staying out of the public, until I am sure that my counts come back up from my last frenamee\chemo treatment.  I do not want to be sick, I just want to get this radiation journey behind me too.  It is hard to believe this journey started last August 23'rd with my operation and it is already the end of Feb.  At times, time seemed to drag but now that it has passed, I feel so blessed to have chemo behind me.  I have learned that you can not appreciate the full blessing unless you go through the storm.

As my balance has been a little off and I have some numbing of my hands and feet from the last frenamee\chemo treatment, I have not been able to use the treadmill yet.  Instead to build my strength I have been walking the loop between the living room, dining room and kitchen for 30 minutes twice a day, to build up my strength.  I think I have worn a track on our floors.  With each step I take, I just keep telling myself it is a step ahead on this journey.

I have a new crop of fuzz on my head.  I kind of look like Woodstock from Charlie Brown.  A friend I email who has been on this journey told me it would be around 4 months before my hair should be back.  Thank you for all your help Paula!  

For all of your prayers and support from emails to cards I can't thank you all enough.  Now as I enter one of the last phases of this journey, that will keep me away from home for 4 nights a week... I am sure God has a plan and people for me to meet along the way that will change my life, as He has done so often on this journey.  May God open your eyes to whom He wants you to meet and the hidden blessing that will be there.  God is good.

My love, (((HUGS)))) and prayers,
Paulette