April 5, 2013 A Lesson on the Road to Healing
April 5th, 2013
A Lesson on the Road to Healing
As I sit here and type I am saying 2! I only have two weeks of radiation treatments left… only 9 treatments. My heart was filled with joy earlier this week knowing I could see the light at the end of the tunnel on my journey with cancer. As I am sure some of you have probably heard there were 186 people who had chemo treatments at the St. John hospital that received a diluted chemo drug and over a thousand in Ontario. All along this journey through chemo, I seem to have been the exception to the rule and there were many bumps in the road and I was very ill. I spent over a month in the hospital to achieve my 6 chemo treatments. I had made it through chemo, which I honestly didn’t know if I was going to be able to do. Through the love, support and prayers from many of you I did it. Yesterday came what satan intended to be a huge bump in the road to my healing emotionally and physically. Yesterday I was told that I had received some of the diluted chemo drugs in my first three treatments. My heart broke and for awhile I was angry. Not at the hospital, but the drug company responsible. I remembered that this had happened in the U.S. a few years ago. A pharmacist was diluting chemo drugs by 50% to make a larger profit. He was found out in Kansas and put in jail. You can imagine how my heart must have felt, when I found that I had received the diluted chemo drug during my first three treatments. Praise the Lord, Jamie was with me. I had fought the toughest battle I had ever faced in my life, only to find out that I had not been given all the correct weapons to fight this war. The diluted chemo, I received was between 3 and 20% low. In my first three chemo treatments there were three drugs involved for each treatment and only one of them was diluted. Of course my mind wondered how this would affect me physically. Was there are greater chance that my cancer would return now? My chemo doctor met with me and told me they felt the affects would be minimal. Yet my heart knows that no one really knows what affect this will have on each individual who received it. I have decided that I will not let satan rob me of my joy that I have almost finished my radiation treatments. You see during chemo I had gotten so sick from the last three treatments, that I had become a very sullen person, who had been broken physically & mentally. When I entered the hostel to start my radiation treatments I was like a shell shocked soldier. Here in this wonderful place lay the key to helping me be able to begin recover emotionally. Slowly my true joy and personality have returned. The people who stayed there and worked there touched my very soul. I have learned that everyone has a story and we all had a common bond, cancer. They all became like a second family to me.
We all watch over and care for each other. It is a place where you can talk and keep the healing process growing. This is Ethel who is in the room next to me.
My daughter sent me a text message and included in it words from my wise son-in-law. “Peter said he is praying and he is thankful he is praying to a God who is bigger than cancer and stronger than any chemo drug, amen to that!” Very wise words. As a Christian, I also know that God has chosen the day that He will take me to join Him in glory. It doesn’t matter what anyone does on this earth, I will go to Heaven on the day God has appointed me to. What was God trying to teach me through this shocking lesson… that He and only He is in control. It is a lesson, that I must be slow in learning because he has shown me this over and over again throughout my life and on this journey with cancer. My heart feels better knowing that I received the diluted chemo drug rather than a child or someone who has a very aggressive cancer like stage 3 or stage 4 cancer. My cancer was stage 2. I have much to be thankful for. What I would like to remind you all of, no matter what happens to you, God is in control. You just need to have faith and to trust Him at His word. He knows the beginning and the end and He will be with you every step of the way. When you are in the worst storm of your life and being tossed by the tempest waves, He is in the boat with you, as Shannon has reminded me while I have been on this journey with cancer. I will not waste my time being angry because I just know there is someone out there God wants me to help. My time and energy will be focused on this… just as God placed all you wonderful people in my life and blessed me through my journey… I want to pass the blessing on and pay it forward. We go through our roughest journeys so we will know how to comfort those who face those same trials. You can’t really tell someone you know how they feel unless you have experienced the same struggle they are facing. God can use us no matter where we are. Imagine my joy when I had the privilege to pay it forward… to rub my friends back who is staying in the hostel, while she is so sick from chemo. To love her and spend time with her, so she won’t be alone. I can tell her I understand; I know how she feels and be there to comfort her, just as others comforted me. We serve an amazing God. Don’t miss your opportunity to serve Him by loving and caring for someone else. The other thing that I have learned through my time spent waiting for my treatments and speaking to others… everyone has a story. You can learn so much by just listening.
My love, (((HUGS)))) and prayers,
Paulette
