Lamenting & Laughter - 01/31/2024

 

Lamenting & Laughter.  God’s Funny Bone or Is It Mine? I will let you be the judge.

Need to request an extra special prayer for Bryan Clouser, as the love of his life Anna Beck has passed away & now joined God’s Kingdom.  In the picture, it is Bryan & Anna to the right together in with Jamie & I at Hope4Cancer.  It was an honor & a blessing to meet, get to know & love both Bryan & Anna .  We have shared laughter & tears.  Thank you to each of you for praying for Anna.  As many of you have experienced such a significant loss you will know, in a very deep way, how to pray for Bryan as he walks this grieving journey out.  Everyday we are one step closer to Heaven, and it is a privilege to be able to walk someone home to His Kingdom.  Bryan walked her home through his endless love & caregiving.  Love you Bryan Clouser & praying.  Please let us always continue to love each other beyond worms, which you know by now means to pray for each other if you have read my past posts. 

Pastor Angela Wade talked about “lamenting with our Lord”.  My heart was overjoyed, because she was presenting the keys to authenticity with Christ.  Believe it or not I used to try to be a “people pleaser” with God!  Yes you heard me right.  You see confession is good for the soul & we can learn from others mistakes.  God already knows how we feel, so why would I try to hide my real emotions\feelings from Him?    I would pray for whatever His will was instead of asking for what I really wanted.  You know, we ARE allowed to ask for what we want.  If it is not in His will, He will not give it to us.  BUT the crucial key is to remember that we need to be content with whatever His will is at that time of our life, because He truly knows what is best.  Even when we don’t understand.  In the scriptures Paul taught us this truth in Philippians 4.  My heart wants to be clear that I now share my real emotions with God since, He taught me NOT to be a people pleaser, rescuer or fixer.  He has seen and heard me being raw, vulnerable, and being authentically His child.  Have I ever had a two-year-old tantrum before the Lord? Yes, I have!!!  I honestly believe this is part of coming to Him as His child. He truly loves us wherever we are. In Matthew 18:2-5 Jesus said:  “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven.  And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.”’   This means being authentic with how we feel with Him and trusting Him with our true emotions.  I have sung songs in the shower with tears of joy streaming down my face and those same songs with tears of sorrow streaming down my cheeks.  As a wise friend, once shared with me, “Tears are a form of worship”.  Authentically praising Him with your real emotions blesses God.  You can praise God wherever you are emotionally.  Scream, cry, shout out with pain or with laughter & joy from the deepest place in your heart.  It shows that you trust Him with your full heart.  Think about it, this is where He already resides through the Holy Spirit.  Peace comes when you accept His answer, as being the best answer for your life no matter where you are walking.  My heart knows that not all healing comes on this side of glory, but we can have as much as our hearts will allow this side of Heaven IF we are authentic with Him. The only way we can get to the other side of the depth of our emotions is to honestly face them & walk through them with God.  Godly counsel is also a gift from our Lord & King to assist you through the storms of life.  Sometimes our head knows one thing, but our heart feels another.  My treasured Godly, Christian, counselor Michele once told me, “It is God’s job to take it from to your head to your heart.”  To do that I’ve learned that we must trust that God will do it in His perfect timing.  My life is proof that He can do this.  There is joy in the valley with My Lord & King.  Sometimes it is radical joy, as the pain is radical.  We could not know the full measure of joy without the true depth of our deepest pain.  Blessing #1 we NEVER walk alone!  So below is some of my radical joy on this current journey that God has provided.     

Well we were on our adventure to take me for my radiation treatments, January 22’nd.  The first stop on the way was to “Go past Go” (Monopoly) & go straight to Oncology to check in.  Blessing #2 was NO main desk check in!!!  Those of you who have had to check in at the main desk at the Regional know what a blessing it is to get to skip this step.  I got to enjoy the hospital from a new perspective which was seeing things while Jamie pushed me in a wheelchair to oncology.  We girls know that it’s a long ride from St. Stephen & I’m very thankful for the availability of LOTS of bathrooms at the Regional.  Of course I’m an expert at where the best & cleanest ones are.  Had to do a new search to find one with good space to maneuver a wheelchair in.  Jamie is a great navigator too!  His sense of direction & navigational skills have come in handy on this new journey we’re taking together.  He used to pilot ships into Bayside, so if he could dock a ship, he had the natural skills to help me navigate the wheelchair on this journey.   Oh my ADD took us on another detour.  Hope you enjoyed it.  Anyway when we came out of the bathroom, there was a sign in the hallway that read, “You are in a scent free zone”.  I immediately turned to Jamie & announced, “That means that you can’t fart.”    God has created me with a unique sense of humor.  Joy mixed with humor has always been a good stress buster for me.  I just love seeing his reactions too.  Can you imagine what I have put him through throughout time.  My kids have lots of stories they could share too.   You know what they say about payback.  Kids eventually turn into the parent on your journey.  I will not be surprised if cold ice water is thrown up over onto me while I’m in the shower.   Oops maybe I shouldn’t have reminded them of that event!?!

My funny thought for the day on this past Friday...  Jamie got the whole thing ready, so I did “the Bottoms Up Cafe”.  He even has perfected the great scientific formula, to make the coffee exactly the way it needs to be for me to use. Incase you didn’t follow my early journey at Hope4Cancer in Tijuana, Mexico.  This is the 32 ounce Coffee Enema delight that detoxes your body.  I affectionately gave it the name, “The Bottoms Up Cafe”.  It was a 7:00-8:00am event, for me daily when I was there.  Due to the time difference I even watched part of our USABC church service while I was there.  You truly can sing praises anywhere.    Knew I could send a “once in a life time message” to Pastor Angela that she would not receive from anyone else. I told her that I bet she had never heard this comment before, but I was praying for her & watching the service from, “The Bottoms Up Cafe.”  It is a rich blessing to have a sense of humor, no matter where you are on your life’s journey.  Somehow God has hard-wired me with humor.  Oh Yes, now to get back on track.  Well “The Bottom’s Up Cafe” is quite the adventure & is done twice a week now that I am home as part of my natural treatment plan.  Meanwhile back on the farm….  When I had finished “the Bottoms Up Cafe” (my coffee, caffeine, delight) this morning & maneuvered  to the shower afterwards.  You see, I need a stool to sit on in the shower now.  The absolute height of laziness, right?!   I needed to stand one last time to get out when I was done.  I told God I needed some help, and that I was “going for the gold when I stood up” and could He please help me.  His funny response was, "You've already had it!"  You see the name of the special coffee I use is called, "Gold Roast".  . I laughed so hard I almost couldn't get up off the stool.  I just love God's sense of humor!!!.  You see  happens", but God is greater. ”.  Hope you enjoyed your coffee this morning.  I did mine.  My PJ pants fit better too.  There are always blessings if you look for them.  No, I am not crazy to do this, as it really helps me!  I mean really why else would ANYONE do this???  I had heard of it when I was in college but I was not a tofu eating, health person at that point in time.  Honestly, I looked at them like they were the extremists to me.  Does this mean that I can say that I am participating in “extreme sports”?    Oh the hillarious adventures God has taken me on.  This is not one I ever dreamt of in my wildest dreams! God does have a sense of humor!

This next part, I have hesitated to post for fear of offending someone, but now that you know that this is part of my weekly detoxing regiment you might really get a chuckle out of this.  You see I have NOT been allowed to have products with caffeine until, “The Bottoms Up Cafe”.  Now just imagine my ADD brain twice a week on 32 ounces of caffeine!!!    Poor Jamie…well he is a great sport.   When I have been in pain throughout my life, God has given me humor as a gifting.  And as you find on this journey, He grants others with a great gift of humor too. 

God had me reach out to Heather Roth, one of my Hope4Cancer peeps that I have asked you to pray for.  We were discussing “The Bottoms Up Cafe”.  You see we H4C girls are allowed potty talk.  When I shared my mission was completed with 32 ounces of coffee.  She sent me this radical joy message back. 

““Hahahaha!!!  32 oz!!!!  How in the world can you hold that in?  You are a bottoms up hero  Hope 4 Cancer should make you their bottoms up poster child!  Coffee companies should be calling you for brand partnership and paying you royalties!!  I hope you have a good morning and skip right along after your morning coffee  appointment.”

Those of us who have been to H4C & know this drill personally!  We share our crazy humor to cheer each other on. 

With my H4C peeps I share my real emotions including my radiacal joy & often God’s sense of humor that He has wired me with.  They know I talk to God a lot.  We are all in the same boat for different reasons & love & support each other in very deep ways but there is always humor.  I think God gives us radical joy to cope. 

Another comment from Heather Roth.  “Paulette, that is hilarious . How you talk with God is second to none, he’s got you on his funny bone and visa versa.  Happy Friday!!!”

Oh Blessing #3  I can now sit in the wheel chair, so my radiation treatment has started working.  It takes between 1-3 weeks to realize what the full benefits will be.  They gave me a super dose of radiation, so I only had to make one ride to St. John.  Dr. Mo & these girls are beautiful people.  They know when they read a chart, when they are helping people walk home to be with the Lord.  They do it with such Christ-like mercy & grace.  It is a privilege to be real with them & thank them for this magnanimous gift.  No matter what journey you are on, there are always opportunities to give people heartfelt thanks. 

Thank you for the gift of all your prayers.  There are no words, we are humble & grateful for each of you.  Can you please continue to pray for my beautiful Friends from H4C  Heather Roth , Aubrey Fasulo, Ewa Pankratz as they continue to fight their battles.  It only takes a moment to make a difference for someone in God’s Throne room. 

This Monday I receive my next injection in my hips.  Blessing #4 I only have to go across the street to the oncology nurse to do this.  Praying for minimal side effects. 

Blessing #5 We are getting a wonderful early Valentine’s Day gift as a lot of our family is coming home to visit us next week!  God is so amazingly good. 

Did you do your homework from reading this?  Did you decide if it was God’s funny bone or mine?  Perhaps maybe both.  I pray you find radical joy when you need it and you have the courage to be real with God on your journey.  As I alway say, we all have a story.  Love you all & so grateful for each of you.  So many beautiful gestures of love that you have shown Jamie & I.  Thank you for being the hands & feet of Christ on this journey.  We both feel so blessed.  BTW Jamie totally is an awesome caregiver.

Blessing #6 I got to church last Sunday!  There are no words because it was so deep & wide just as God’s love is.  Oh to be with your church family & sing praises to our Lord & King.   Then to sit at the Master’s feet to learn from Pastor Angela’s powerful message on lamenting.  My prayer is that you have talked authentically with God too about wherever you are on your journey. 

My love, HUGS & prayers,
Paulette (& Jamie)