August 25th, 2025 Brain MRI, Feeling Squiffy, Hospital

 

August 25th, 2025

Brain MRI Completed & Machine Didn’t Explode

I’m feeling a bit “Squiffy”!? Do you ever feel “Squiffy”?

Are you full of poop or fertilizing your flowers?

This is the best photo-op I can give at this time.🤣😂

We were relieved that I had been able to go for my MRI brain scan.  Especially after having been really sick.🤢   The bucket in tow (on the walker seat) in case it’s needed.  I have learned to master some amazing skills on this journey.  Also, I had some prior practice the first time I went through breast cancer in 2012-2013.  

August 29, 2025

Learning to Speak Again, Gaining Some Vision Back and Brain MRI Scan done!  Now we are just waiting for the results.  

Some days I feel like I am taking a foreign language test, as I continue to look for the word patterns.  At times, it’s words that rhyme that I substitute a wrong word when speaking and or writing.  Other times it’s words that I don’t use as frequently and I make a substitution for those words.  Do you remember your Mom or Grandmother going through the list of family names until she got to the right one?  Ok Grandma & Great Grams I am there.  Sometimes allowing myself to roll with it until I find the right name or word is the correct approach for me by learning to make that self-correction.  Self-correction is a crucial biblical concept for true growth to take place.  Recognizing you were wrong, repenting of your mistakes and taking the next step forward in the Lord.  It critical to recognize that you are wrong…  allowing yourself to accept that you are wrong and walking in true repentance.  This allows us to walk  in the Lord’s Spirit and strength.  You  must fully trust Him, to take that next step in His strength & His way..  You have always heard me say, “God’s will, God’s way and accepting God’s timing,”  …will enable you for when God will allow you to walk in His way in whatever correction you may also need to do.  This is easier said than done.  Especially when it comes to things you’ve always taken for granted like speaking or your eye sight.  We can  walk in it with God’s peace, which is only achieved by fully “accepting” His timing. ⏱️  There are two different concepts there too.  As God’s timing is not “human timing” but “spiritual timing”.  A concept that I don’t believe we will fully understand until we step into our eternal life with our Lord & King.  👑 After this last round with me, Jamie will have a huge crown\jewel to lay at Jesus’s feet and yet it will still not compare to all God has done for us.  Jamie has been a true servant of Christ in his care-giving role for me on my metastatic breast cancer disease.  He has two roles, one as my husband and one as my care-giver.   As my husband,  he’s ended up with a lot of things that neither of us ever expected.  Some are very humbling thus a bit embarrassing to my human nature.  In those situations, I usually want to immediately apologize.  Jamie is quick to correct me by saying that there was absolutely nothing to apologize for.  What a tender, gracious way to lighten my load of thoughts that can wash over me at times.  We can all spiral into deep, unnecessary thought patterns at times. 💭 🌀 💭 It’s when we take our eyes off God’s truths that we begin to believe satan’s lies. With the Holy Spirit, we can turn those into God’s truths faster than we realize is possible… until it happens.  When it happens, Satan’s lies explode into the manure that is used to fertilize the flowers in our valleys. Haven’t we all been told we are full of 💩 at times?  Maybe there is more truth to that than we care to admit.  After all satan is a professional 💩 slinger.  He can quickly try to take us into the septic tanks of our lives. I am sure we can confess to all being there at sometimes in our lives.  There will be lots of beautiful flowers in my valleys when God allows me to look back after the trial.  

My High School English teacher, Miss Mulholland, always encouraged us to learn new vocabulary words… and to know how to use them correctly.  When I would come home from University of Maine in Farmington to visit, I’d sometimes stop by to see to see her & share a new word … and also be sure to say how thankful I was for having her as my English teacher at LHS.  Come on my LHS students… everyone sing...

“Stand Up and Cheer for Old Lubec High...

   …Hornets Spread your Wings & Fly 

To V-I-C-T-O-R-Y...”   

Honestly, I am proud to call Lubec High School my Alma Mater.  To have  had some classmates\friends from K-Gr. 12 was a gift.  Always loved when new classmates arrived too.  Though I did observe that the transition to a new school was not easy from many aspects for our new classmates.   How did you treat others in those situations?

Miss Mulholland, you would be pleased to know that to this day that I continue to enjoy learning a new vocabulary word.  God’s timing contains some real “zingers” at times too.  A “zinger” is something… perhaps like a striking comment or one that might strike you as unusually amusing.  As you may have noticed, I like incorporating “amusing remarks” when I write and sometimes, when expressing my everyday life tales...  Paulette’s own version of a fairytales series or what I call my “God stories”.   I have shared these stories whenever God’s Holy Spirit has spoken to me too… from by a bathroom to an airport terminal, to a Bible Study and yes to a complete stranger.  A lot of people were surprised when I share some of these God stories with them and questioned in their minds if they were yet they were indeed true.  Not sure why I am always amazed at what God can do, but I truly I am too.. 

Downton Abbey is a series that through time has taught me some new words… as a matter of fact the last few weeks, Jamie & I have been watching the whole six seasons again, free on Prime.  There is so much to observe each time you watch.  Lots of memories of watching it with my Mom too.  The Downton Abbey Series came out in September 2010 on PBS.  There were six seasons & two movies that followed...  The movies were entitled: “Downton Abbey 2019” and “Downton Abbey: A New Era”.  Somewhere on-line I saw that there would be a final movie come out on September 12, 2025 called:  ”Downton Abbey:  The Grand Finale”.   Maybe we can rent it for Jamie’s Birthday.  😉  He will be turning 70 on Sept. 13th.  I am waiting to see if the wisdom that they claim comes with age, has a spontaneous development that day!! 

Truth be told, I seem to have to ask more questions the older I get.  It seems the more I know, the less I know.  Maybe my hard-drive keeps showing “error” or is full; perhaps I lost one of my portable hard drives during one of our moves… or there is just no storage left.   It seems I am sometimes confusing homographs since the spell/episode I had on Aug 1’st too.  I LOVE to catch myself when I do.  Sometimes it takes me back to when I had learned them in my youth.  

These days, I’ve been feeling a bit “squiffy” at times.  Have any of you had strong reactions when given new medications?   As you may know that is one of my “trade marks”.  Ask any of my poor doctors and\or pharmacists.  

I’d like to know how many times I’ve heard, “You are one of the few people to get all of the reactions.”  Too bad I couldn’t have won a prize for these unique achievements.  If we weeded out  allergic reactions & Celiac disease in my medial record, I dare say it would be a lot easier to lift!

Hoping my vision will continue to improve.  Instead it continues to be an adventure each day.  Praying my “Brain MRI” will show something… we will find out what the Lord has in mind.  To me it is better to know than not know.  My oncologist will share my results with me by phone on Sept. 9th.  So thankful NOT to have to travel to St. John.  😊  Important decisions will be shared on that day, from the comfort of our home, for which I am so grateful.  

As my pain levels change, they have had to adapt the strength of my medication.  Of course we have been stepping into one medication change at a time.  I couldn’t find a word to describe what the increased dosage felt like and then I heard the word “Squiffy” used on a Downton Abbey episode.  Seeing it was a strange new change for me, I equated the the word “squiffy” to be the fitting word to describing how I’d been feeling.

I said to Jamie, “That’s it.  I feel ‘Squiffy’ on this new dose of medication.  💊 The way I retrieve words since the reaction feels a bit ‘Squiffy’ too.  You know, when you think you have comprehended exactly what you’re saying but then realize the words came out completely wrong.  Remember as a child having a “brain freeze” when you drank those cherry smoothies from the gas station stores… or something too cold too fast?   Well apparently I don’t need something too cold to freeze my brain.  🧠 It freezes up 🥶 all on its own.  😉  I am happy to report that my brain doesn’t seem to mind my “coffee ice-cream” addiction!! This love for coffee ice-cream runs in my family too… my Mom and my brother, Henry.  My Dad loved mocha flavor (coffee, pulse chocolate).  

Jamie & I keep working on doses and will get this “Squiffiness” under control.  One thing I know is that I now sleep at night, despite it.  That’s it… I’ve shifted from “Miss Preparedness” to “Miss Squiffiness”.  Even if it is unintentional, I am sure to bring some entertainment wherever I go now.  At least I have Jamie to chaperone\escort and guide me.  🥴🤪

This may be a little harder to read for some of you and you may not appreciate my humor contained within this next passage, but I do believe in sharing as it truly is.  Jamie & I have been blessed with the “joy of the Lord” surfacing many times on the harder aspects of this journey.  Just ask Pastor Ang about the time when I was first diagnosed she told me that she was praying for me to have years and not just months.  😂🤣  My instant reaction (as I was in so much pain)…  

“Are you 💩 + ing me?!?!!  Did you bother to pray about the pain?”  Probably not the reaction she was expecting and I certainly wasn’t expecting to respond in that way…  but sometimes when we are in a lot of pain things just pop out unexpectedly.  We did laugh out loud though.  Sometimes that is the best medicine. 

What do you do when you’re on the way home after you just had a brain MRI?  You torment each other, a little bit, with a few really good zingers.

You can even have a comfortable conversation about Bobby’s Hospice.  Which we have indulged in several times…

Shortly after leaving the hospital that day, we pulled over to have our picnic lunch.  While we were stopped, I saw a man with a “man purse” so I turned, looked at Jamie and said, "When I die I want you to get a ‘man purse’ ”. 

As you can imagine, I received a very strange look from him.  That meant the hook was baited.

“You will already own a man-purse when I die, because you will have mine. You can use that black one and all the women will say you have a black “Lululemon” man purse?!  My daughter told me this was a brand name, as I never was & still have not clued into these things.  It seems that  I had one just like hers only smaller.   Guess we both have great taste.  🤷🏼‍♀️

Jamie responded and said, "What would I put in it?” Baited hook, set and even swallowed now.    

I continued on with what I thought was the next baited hook I was setting. 

“Well, I've been baptized by fire, quite a few times in my life. And in the world’s view, I'm going to be finished with fire.  You and I know that the second I have left this earth, I will be in Heaven with my Lord & King.  No time lapses here."

With great enthusiasm I continued the conversation,

"You can put my ashes in the ‘man purse’.   Then you can carry them around with you.  I contained my smile on the inside.  It was, as if the bases were loaded and I had just hit the great “Grand Slam”.

And I continued by saying," it will be a wonderful conversation starter."  …with the grin still contained on the inside as long as I could, so he thought I was serious.  You’ve got to know that this was splitting me all but open trying to hold this all in.  

Those of you that know me, really know that I like to talk! And I LOVE to laugh with the joy of the Lord.  

Then I continued by asking where “Bobby’s Hospice” was located? When you are going on a journey like this as husband & wife, you do talk about all your options.  It seems it is in God’s timing & not our own at times.  

Next there was a little payback from Jamie as he said,"Do you want to go see it?”   We aren’t far from there. Then with a grin he said, “Maybe they’ll keep you, starting today.”   Guess he knows how to do a little fishing too.  

We both just burst out laughing and I said, “You only wish they would.” Laughter truly is the best medicine at times and it can be found in the “joy of the Lord”.  God created me, so He knows my humor well.  I do think He should have installed a “relief valve” in me so Jamie could release it safely in our home as needed, because you really never know what is going to come out of me.  

Lesson: Don’t mess with somebody that knows you as well as your husband of 45 years!  

I have been watching Bob Ross’s videos to relax & fall asleep.  In my mind, he is the Mr Rogers of painting! His voice & his art work are both soothing.  Have you tried to paint his, “Happy little trees”?   Well I paint them in my mind, as I am falling asleep.  Can you imagine the divine colors we have never seen before that are in Heaven.  

I am hoping I can see the “happy little trees” in my sleep as I am currently in the CC hospital. When your extramural nurse tells you that you need to call the ambulance and go to the hospital, you don’t argue. 🤕🤪

Thank you everyone for your continued love, prayers and support.

Paulette