Sept.15, 2012 Reflections of Journey’s Past Meets Today’s Journey… Acts of Kindness
Sent: Sat, Sep 15, 2012 5:49 pm
Subject: Reflections of Journey's Past Meets Today's Journey... Acts of Kindness
Actually I tried to imagine being my doctor and I couldn't. If I can bring a smile to his face than I feel, I have done my part. Yes, I did succeed. The man has attempted to save my life, so that is the least I could do! Long story made short... ok, never mind because it is me writing this after all... and we all know that I type as much as I talk. Now that is a scary thought. I need to have more tests done to find out if the cancer has spread, because of some of the pathology results. The miracle is that I go this Tuesday Sept. 18th , to the St. John Regional Hospital to the nuclear medicine unit for a bone scan (This doesn't seem right as my brother is the nuclear engineer NOT me!) and then I have ultra sounds done. The ultra sounds should bring back memories, as I have to drink lots of water before this test, just like when I was pregnant and had ultra sounds. Praise the Lord I am NOT pregnant! After I have the tests done, I meet with my chemo oncologist and then my radiation oncologist. Now doesn't that sound like a fun filled day for my husband's first day off in two weeks. He is a good man! Those of you that know my personality, know that there is much truth in that statement!!!
This week I learned that another part of my pathology test had good results. HER2NU came back negative! For those of you who are lost with that last sentence, that is just one example of the new vocabulary that has been necessity to become part of my life in order to understand the direction my journey will go. We still have to wait for one more part of my pathology report to come back to know whether he will have to operate on me again. If he does from what I understand it will be before I have the chemo & radiation treatments. As I am meeting with both of my chemo & radiation oncologists next week, you can just imagine what I will be doing this weekend. Soon the keyboard keys will be clicking as I get my questions ready. Hopefully Dr. Scarth has warned them about me!
I will have you know that I found joy in scrubbing my bathtub this week! Now let's really think about that one. Well, you don't know what you miss until can't do it, right? As most of you know having surgery often has it's restrictions. I still am not allowed to lift over 5 lbs. but I can at least scrub my tub now! Who knew sweeping a floor could be therapeutic too. You see we long for the things that make us feel normal, especially when we are thrown into things that are unfamiliar & unexpected. We look for that comfortable "old slipper" to make us feel normal. Hum, I wonder what normal really is... My friend Cindy says none of us are normal and I think I tend to agree with her. I don't believe I have experienced normal... well I have but my poor Jamie hasn't, as I am anything but normal!
My heart wondered what I was going to write this week. As it had been a week filled with mixed emotions that God gift wrapped with blessings & decorated with his ribbons of love & pray filled bows. How God can take something so overwhelming & mixed with painful realities at times and turn it into something beautiful? I can't fully comprehend how He does it, but He does! Maybe it is because I appreciate the simply things in life now, for they each contain a rare beauty if you look. How many times have we missed the blessings, because we are trapped in feelings of insufficiency mixed with knowing that we must step into what is unknown to us. This in turn makes us realize that we have no control over the circumstance and the concept of having no control can create fear. When the reality is that we never have control, we only have free choice. When you begin a journey with cancer the only things you can control by your free choice is your attitude and whether you will listen to "God's Still Small Voice", so you will know what God is calling you to do. Yes, God can use you wherever you are. Sometimes it is hard to hear "God's Still Small Voice" because of all the earthly noise that satan creates in his attempt to confuse & deceive us. Sometimes satan loves to take you to the very edge of your spirit and whispers negative things constantly, in his attempt to create doubt within. Sometimes the noise he creates is so loud, as he tries to let his seeds of doubt take root, because he wants to tear holes in the very fabric of our faith. Well get thee behind me satan because I have God and I've read the back of the book and WE WIN! Winning doesn't mean that everything is going to be easy... the best things in life often blossom from our greatest trials. For it is here that God draws us closer in our walk with Him. It is here that He teaches us lessons that we need to learn in order to be more Christ like. What greater blessing could there be, than to be more like Christ? He sacrificed His very life for each of us... how much are we really willing to sacrifice for him? As a master teacher, He wraps his lessons with His heavenly love, mercy & grace. Can we all remember a teacher who made us feel special & loved, yet taught us what we needed to learn? This is our Heavenly Father only magnified to eternity because He loves us so much more than is humanly possible for any person to fully comprehend. Now stop & imagine the person whom you feel loves you most in the world and know that God loves you more.
Below I wrote a piece a few years back to thank some people for walking through a very indescribably violent the storm. Today I want to share it with each of you. I want you each to think of who you have reached out to help. Don't say, that you haven't helped someone, for each of you has helped me through your prayers, emails, cards, phone calls, food you have made, and words of encouragement. etc. Then think of others that you can reach out and make a difference for. Continue to pay it forward... Listen for His Still Small Voice and do an act of kindness for someone else week. If you listen you will know when God speaks to your heart to reach out to someone He has chosen you to touch. It may even be a stranger! Don't let satan win by letting him plant his seeds of doubt... "You can't talk to them, you don't know them and they will think you are crazy etc." You know what I am talking about. The things that seem the most counter-intuitive are often what His Still Small Voice will ask you to do. Be prepared to give a blessing, but don't be surprised when you receive an unexpected blessing in return. My prayer is that God encourages & blesses each of you this week in a very special way... may you see Christ in others and may they see Christ in You.
A Thank You to You All
Reflection of the Journey
My heart knows that reflecting is good for the spirit, but can be difficult for the soul to do; so I stop and take a breath just before I turn to look back. In that moment, I can feel Christ as He holds me, so I have the strength to turn and observer the devastation He has carried me through… Lord, what do you mean that you will now give me a glimpse through your eyes, as I reflect upon this journey past?
It is as if, I am seeing everything for the first time. Look, there is the Refiner’s Fire! The memory that it had once encompassed me struck my heart, but this time I could feel the warmth from the fire and not the pain. Lord, who is that woman whose soul seems so disorientated and battered. I can sense a profound love in her eyes and immense heartache within her soul; as in her brokenness she allows her tears to freely flow. Though the storm that surrounds her is violent, You have shielded her from the magnitude of its force. She hasn’t the capability to realize this yet, so there is vulnerability within in her soul. Satan recognizes this and tries to gain entrance through the cracks he attempts to create, by utilizing his tools of isolation, loneliness, fear and failure.
The woman keeps looking for someone, yet she appears unable to find them; but she finally hears their voice. It’s Your voice that she heard! She was looking for You, God. You whispered in the midst of the violent storm that had surrounded her and she heard You. You told her to remember that when she is weak, You are strong. With one small step, she moves forward in Your direction. Though she cannot see where she is going, she continues to be drawn toward the only thing familiar to her, the sincere warmth and love within Your voice God. Since she has chosen to obey You, You can reveal to her that she is not alone in the Refiner’s Fire. Though the image is unclear of the person(s) she sees is in the distance, she feels them reach out to her. They take her spiritual hand and the words they speak bring an inexplicable peace to her soul. For the first time, she feels she can take a breath. With her eyes closed, she drinks in this freshness of this breath so deeply, that it begins to pierce through the dark deception that satan has created in his powerful attempt to deceive her. Since this person has also chosen to obey Your voice, you have allowed them to be the very arms of your son, Jesus Christ, so this woman can feel Your presence and unconditional love through them. The significance of that moment will always remain a golden thread woven within the tapestry of this woman’s life. This woman is me; and _______________ the stranger who served our Lord and King, by volunteering to step into the Refiner’s Fire, so they could walk by mine and my families’ side.
There will come a day when the Lord allows everyone to see the tapestry of experiences that He has permitted to occur in our lives, so that the edges of our soul would become smooth within the Refiners’ Fire. He will show us where our obedience has led us on our life’s journey. It is here that I believe ________________ will hear, “Job well done, my good and faithful servants.”
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Never forget that each act of kindness you do, will touch another person's life in ways you can't comprehend. Don't hesitate to make that phone call you have been hesitating to make (right Gabe), or to send that email you have been thinking about (right Lauren, Denise, Suzanne, Mary, Carmen, Kathy, Carolyn, Michele, Henry...), or to send that card to the person you have been thinking of (right Aunt Sonja & Uncle Dan, Annie-Laure & Mitch), or send someone that unexpected gift (right Shannon, Holly & Terra, Nickie) or to cook that food for the person you know will need it (right Mom, Dad, Bill & Lassie), or to send that text message when you hear God's Still Small Voice speaking straight to your heart to do it (right Jamie, Lindsay, Cindy, Beav & Craig), or to be there on the phone to listen (right Dad & Mom, Jamie, Cindy, Aunt Joanne, Aunt Elaine & Charity), take time out of your hectic day to talk to the unexpected friend who stops in (right Patty & Gina); lift that person who comes to you heart up in prayer (right Davine, Mary, Yvonne, Aunt Nadine & Uncle Tommy, Sissy)... I could go on forever as to how each of you have touched my heart and impacted my life, but not even I would have adequate words. Know that each of you make a difference with the acts of kindness you do, so reach out to that stranger too... May God bless you each as you listen to His Still Small Voice this week.
My love, (((HUGS))) prayers & thankfulness,
Paulette
