Jan 9 - January 15, 2013 - Finding My Way Through the Darkness — Don’t be Afraid to Ask for Help

   Jamie & Paulette 15December2012

15December2012  We Celebrated Christmas early, as the chemo nurse  told me when I started my treatment TAXOTERE, it could make me very ill, as I would have the other chemo drugs still in my system along with the new chemo drug.  And sick it truly made me on a whole new level.  At first, I ended up in the ICU and had a hospital stay of 7 days.  

Jan. 9, 2013  Finding My Way Through The Darkness

After meeting with my chemo doctor today, she decided I have not recovered enough from the last treatment to be given my treatment today.  I am going to wait a week and try to build up my strength and get my bowels etc. straightened out.

I am going to have the treatment 11\2 hours away from home in St. Stephen. :O)  My chemo doctor has changed up some of the medications that I will be taking to help me with this next treatment and after the treatment, they are going to put me in the hospital to help me through for the first while.  They wanted me to go back and forth to the hospital each day for hydration, but it is physically impossible for me to do that because it would mean a total of a three hour car ride each day and I just don't have the strength to do that after a treatment.  Just getting to the bathroom and eating is challenge enough for me after my treatment for the first 5-7 days.  They will monitor my bloods & potassium daily if I am admitted to the hospital.  My heart knows that is where I need to be, because the taxotere treatment is so rough on me.  My nurse in St. John said I was the exception to the rule because most people do not as sick as I did from the Taxotere treatment.  Then she smile and said that I had been the exception the rule from the beginning and they needed to do something to get me through these last two chemo treatments.  Then again, I am a Stevens now aren't I, so of course I am an exception.  So for now keep saying TWO with me and pray that I get my strength up.  I lost 6 pound in the last 3 weeks.  Not a diet plan that I would recommend for anyone though.  Thank you all for your prayers.  My heart knows that God is in control and this is what He thought was best for me. (((((HUGS)))))

My love, ((((HUGS)))) and may God bless,

Paulette

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January 15, 2013 - Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help When you Need It

As a Christian you need to be able to humble yourself and let those who are praying know how you really are, so they will know how to pray.  I would love to say that everything is fine but it would be a lie and I really need your prayers more than ever.  I was given a new drug last treatment and it has taken its toll with my both physically & emotionally.  I am not sure if the steroids triggered the “depression in me” or the Taxotere that they used as the chemo drug chemically imbalanced me.  All I know is that something snapped in me when I wasn't getting well from the treatment and it has taken its toll on me emotionally.  I called to talk to a counselor to get things in place locally.  God has given me enough awareness to know that I need help.  When I get to the St. John hospital I am also going to request emotionally support too and an evaluation.  I am in a very dark place emotionally.  I can’t laugh, feel or smile.  I feel like I am below bottom looking up at the rocks.  That is the opposite of who I know myself to be.   So please pray for God's light to shine through because that is what my heart needs in the deepest place.  I have no appetite and food because of the chemo does not taste like food should.  I have been making my self eat some each day and drinking ensure to get the protein.  There is a great sadness over me and I need the Lord to break it's hold over me.  The hospital is definitely the place for me, because the Lord knows that I truly need help to face the next chemo treatments and support to get me through all the medications that are required afterwards for me to take.  There are 17 medications that I am taking.   I am not sure what affects these medicines are doing, but I am going to ask them. They knew I wasn't in good enough shape last Wednesday to have the chemo treatment physically, so they postponed it.  It had taken many people’s prayers and all of my strength mentally just to walk through the door to face my Oncology Doctor regarding having my treatment.  I ask my doctor if she had any idea what I had gone through just trying to walk through that door that morning.  I have made them fully aware that I need help\support services to get through this.  I love the Lord, but part of me just wishes that He would take me home to be with Him.  The darkness is very real but the Lord & people’s prayers can change things.  I truly need your help through the power of prayers to get there.  

Thank you for prayers, honest messages & heart-felt support,

Paulette