January 29, 2013— Lessons in the Storm - The Ward & The Band

January 29, 2013  Lessons in the Storm

Lessons in the Storm.  I have been home for a couple of days now.  They kept me in the hospital for a week after my treatment to get me on my feet.  After being sick for four weeks when I entered the hospital for my 5th treatment, I think I have come home stronger than when I went in.  For this blessing I am faithful.  I am building my strength by walking on a treadmill that Jamie appeared at home with one day.  He has been getting himself in good physical shape and he knows that I can't go on walks outdoors and I need to build my strength.  This morning with it on its lowest setting for speed I walked a mile.  It took me almost an hour.  My heart knows I need to build myself up for the last chemo treatment.  The stronger I go in the better.  If there is a bed available, I am to be admitted to the hospital on Feb. 5th and given my treatment on Feb. 6th.  I hope you all will scream "ZERO" so loud that I can hear you at the hospital.  On the sixth will be my last chemo treatment. Then I get three to four weeks to build up my strength to start my 30 radiation treatments.

Someday I will write about taste buds while on chemo.  Nothing tastes like it should.  It looks like an apple, feels like an apples when I put it in my mouth but taste like nothing I have tasted before.  It is the same with all foods.  Truthfully I just make myself eat because I know I need to because all food tastes so foreign to me.  I imagine it is like when a baby tries a food for the first time.  Every food is like tasting in for the first time.  Eating is such a uniques experience now.

My heart isn’t really sure I can find the words to share with you my experience of being in the hospital for a week after my treatment, but I will try to share God’s mercy and grace that He bestowed on me.

When I was admitted, I was placed in a ward where I had three roommates.  It was good for me to be in the oncology ward with other oncology patients, as there is much to see, learn and experience that helps you face your journey and count your blessings.  One of my roommates had 1 year to live if she did many types of treatment because her cancer had spread to many places.  Another roommate only has two months to live and the cancer was in her brain and lungs.  My last roommate was a sweet older woman in her 70’s and had thyroid cancer and has four more radiation treatments to go.  They admitted her to the hospital to have her radiation treatments to help her through them.  My heart knew that she was lonely so I became close to her and would invite her to go on walks with me and to go with to the lounge with me.

 One day my doctor came in and she told me she wanted me up and about more, as she found me laying in bed.  This was the day that I had had diarrhea and been to the bathroom 12 times and it had knocked the pudding right out of me.  The next day I was determined to be up and about all day as long as my strength would allow me.  Jamie told me about a lounge on my wing and asked me if I would like to go.  I told him yes and that I thought it would be good for me.  It not only was good for me, it was a life changing experience.  The lounge was filled with patients fighting various battles with cancer.  All openly shared their stories and what emotions they had been through.  It did my heart good to talk with them.  It was good to share with those who are walking a similar path… I would not wish cancer on my worst enemy… but it was nice to not be alone.  I think God placed me in the St. John hospital to meet these people and especially Joan.  She had cancer 14 years ago.  She worked in a fish factory and couldn’t afford to miss work or she would not be able to get enough stamps to collect her unemployment.  She went to work after having her chemo treatments… throwing up and collapsing and her fellow workers would help her get up.   From the radiation treatments they had caused complications with her heart, so she had open heart surgery and had a mechanical valves put in.  Now she is facing cancer again and needs a stem cell transplant.  She has been in the  hospital for the better part of a year.  They harvested her own stem cells and now after she goes through 6 days of harsh chemo (which would make what I am being given for treatments minimal) they will give her her stem cell transplant.  She will be in complete isolation as she will have no immune system at this time.  The stem cell transplant taking place all depends on how she does on the harsh chemo.  What a wonderful attitude she has.  There are no words to describe it.  She told me she figures God has brought her through all these things because He still has things he wants her to do on this earth.

 God placed me in a place where they could take good care of me to get me through my treatment.  If something happened my medication was changed immediately to deal with whatever reaction I was having.  Then He placed me in a room with 3 Christians who taught my heart much.  It doesn’t take far to look to know that you are blessed.  Though living through my storm of battling cancer is beyond hard, there are those whose battles on their cancer journeys are greater.  It was good for me to be around all these people and absorb their heart-felt love and experience their wonderful attitudes.  Somehow it gives you the strength to keep taking that next step forward.

The reason I write so openly about this journey, it is my hope that it may help someone else who is facing a battle of their own.  There comes a time when we all need some type of help and it’s ok because we are human.  That is why we need Christ.  He knows all of our needs.  I spoke to two professionals while I was in the hospital to get some help with my deep depression, that I am currently battling.  The psychologist told me that what I was going through and experiencing emotionally was normal for the journey I was on with cancer.  She pointed out the things that I had done right like seek help.  She told me that I needed to have a medication to help me get through this journey.  She and the pharmacist figured out what medication I could take that would not cross react with the chemo and other medications that I am currently taking.  They started me on the medication while I was in hospital to monitor if I would have any type of reaction to it.  I took a low dose for three days and then moved up to the full dose.  It will take 2 to 4 weeks for the medication to kick in, but I should slowly see a difference.  I am thankful for the blessing of having been able to speak with two specialists.  All I knew is that I needed help and now I am getting it.  I am home and spoke with my counselor for the first time.  The Lord blessed me with a gentleman whose wife had had breast cancer, so he really understood where I was coming from.  It was easy to speak with him and share my emotions and my heart knows that he understands.  His wife has had many complications and they have traveled and are still traveling a difficult journey after 4 years.  She is still cancer free. 

The day before I left the hospital a band, that won American Idol’s top band, came to our ward to play.  They came from a family of 11 children and were all homeschooled.  For a few years they travelled around in a bus sharing the gospel and their gift of music.  They were on vacation to visit their brother who is a youth pastor and this is what they chose to do with their time.  After they were done playing they went around and prayed with each person individual.  What a blessing it all was.  I would say they are a fine example of “paying it forward”.  Stop and think of what you could do to bless someone else and “Pay It Forward”.  What blessing can you pass on to someone else?  There are needs all around you.  

My love, (((HUGS))) and may God bless,

Paulette